– KAMALA KC
Parenting is a rewarding journey filled with its own unique challenges. While I do not claim to be a parenting expert, I have come across some insightful information that I would like to share to help you on your path to becoming a wonderful parent. It is important to note that these insights are derived from secondary studies rather than firsthand expertise. Nonetheless, I hope that sharing this information will provide valuable guidance.
In the realm of praise, according to studies, two types deserve consideration: everyday praise and enthusiastic praise.
Everyday praise involves acknowledging your child’s positive behavior with positive comments. It is a great starting point, but it can be even more effective when you are specific about the behavior you are praising. Scientifically, this approach has been proven to foster positive behaviors in children. Adding a gentle touch or employing non-verbal praise, such as touching their hair, giving a kiss, or offering a hug, can further enhance the impact of your praise.
Enthusiastic praise is another valuable tool in parenting. To effectively use enthusiastic praise, follow these steps: first, select the behavior you wish to praise. Next, express your praise effusively through hand gestures, facial expressions, and tone of voice. Be sure to clearly state the specific behavior you are praising, emphasizing that they have done exactly what you wanted them to do. Finally, consider adding a gentle touch or non-verbal praise to reinforce the positive experience.
Example: Let’s say you want to praise your child for helping to set the dinner table without being asked. As your child finishes setting the table, smile brightly, raise your hands in a celebratory manner, and use an enthusiastic and joyful tone of voice. Say, “wow, look at you! You took the initiative to set the dinner table all by yourself. That is exactly what I wanted you to do, and I am so proud of you!”. After expressing your words of praise, give your child a high-five or a hug to further reinforce their positive actions.
By following these steps, you provide a vivid and encouraging praise experience that highlights your child‘s specific behavior, reinforces their accomplishment, and strengthens their motivation to continue displaying positive actions.
What to avoid when praising?
When praising, it is important to avoid using vacuous praise, such as generic statements like “great” or “wonderful.” Such statements lack specificity and may not have a lasting impact. Instead, focus on the behavior itself rather than praising the person. For instance, instead of saying, “you are great or you are amazing,” try saying, “your help for helping me set the dinner table was wonderful.” Additionally, avoid making your affection conditional upon their behavior. Refrain from saying, “we love you because you are good or you helped us,” as children should always feel loved unconditionally, regardless of their actions. Moreover, it is crucial not to center the focus on yourself by saying things like, “we are happy when you do this”. Instead, emphasize the child’s achievements and encourage their growth without focusing on yourself. By avoiding vacuous praise, focusing on specific behaviors, and providing unconditional love and support, you can effectively praise your child and foster their self-esteem and development.
Also, it is crucial to avoid adding negativity after praising your child. For example, when you praise your child for helping to set the dinner table without being asked, you can select the specific behavior to praise, express effusive praise through gestures such as a smile or hand gestures, and use a positive tone of voice. Additionally, you can reinforce the praise by adding a gentle touch or non-verbal praise, such as a pat on the back or a warm hug. As mentioned above, this is an enthusiastic praise that creates a positive experience for your child. However, it is essential to refrain from adding negative statements at the end like, “why can’t you always do this? why can’t you be like your sister, brother, or that friend of yours?”. Even when you did all the enthusiastic praise, adding that negativity after praise can diminish the whole positive impact you initially had and create a sense of discouragement or comparison.
So, by avoiding such negativity after praise, you ensure that your child receives genuine and uplifting encouragement. Remember to focus on the positive behavior itself, without comparing them to others. This approach fosters a supportive environment where your child’s individual strengths and efforts are recognized and appreciated. Your child will feel valued and motivated to continue displaying positive behaviors.
As we all know, parenting is a highly individual experience, and what works for one child/parent may not work for another. It is important to adapt your parenting approach to suit your child’s unique needs and personality while providing them with a supportive and loving environment.